Sunday, January 22, 2012

An unwanted sprout.

Everybody has that year they loath. That year that you will never want to go back to. That year that makes the hairs in the back of your neck stand up and shudder. That year for me was 2009 (and then 2010).

Just around the end of 2008, my mom sat me down and told me that she found a lump on her breast. She had been going to doctors and had already gotten a biopsy. After knowing this, it was almost a month of the waiting game until the results came in. I was thinking positively. I thought it was only a scare.

But it was not. My mom started chemotherapy on 2009. She had a 3 cm (approximate) sized tumor on her right breast. At 50 years old, just like her mother before her, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. This lump sprouted out of nowhere. She had always been diligent about her breast exams and they had always come out benign. But right before her scheduled yearly mammogram, a tumor raised up from out of nowhere. She lived a relatively healthy life, had no vices, didn't have a job that exposed her to harsh carcinogenic filled environments and ate what most people in the First World eat. She had no reason to get sick... but then again, most people who are sick don't have a reason either.

I tend to shut down when horrible things happen. That year I was pretty much a mute. I didn't voice out my tremendous fears. I lived on like a typical 21 year old. Studied, partied, went to cook for a bunch of hippies in the woods (who would later change my life forever), and just went on... just like life goes on. I only cried once that year and it was the day I knew the biopsy results. I guess I cried out of shock. I didn't believe it.

My mom went through 4 different kinds of chemo, including an experimental new drug, plus rounds of radiation. She fought that motherfucker like a champ, and won. At the end of the year her tumor had shrunk and the little bit that was left of it was taken out with a tiny surgery.

Later on she got a test, to see if her cancer was genetic, and it was not. I was a bit surprised ( and certainly relieved), since my gandma had also gotten breast cancer at age 50 and had a mastectomy. She also survived it. I had even gone through a breast exam myself, because of the scare. I surely was glad it wasn't in our genes, but if it wasn't genetic, then where and why did it appear?

My mother's tumor was fed by female hormones. The more hormones it got, the bigger and tougher it would be. For this reason, after chemo and radiation, she has been in hormone suppressants, which have made her completely menopausal at an earlier age than usual.

After the toughest year my mother has probably had in her life, I faced my toughest year so far, 2010.  After bottling up all of my feelings and fears that cancer makes people go through, I exploded. My anxiety went off the roof. I became a hypochondriac, my entire body fell ill constantly (somatization, is what psychiatrist call it). My mind was making me feel sick. I went to travel the world. Uruguay, Argentina, Virginia ( again with my loved hippies) and Dominican Republic all in one summer, yet deep inside I was conviced I was dying. I thought (I was sure) I had AIDS and later on was pretty sure I had Lymphoma. I was obviously dying, but every lab test known to man and woman was done, and everything came out perfect. I had officially gone insane. After therapy, pills, going off the pills, ignoring the symptoms, tantrums, good days and bad days, I'm still battling with my own mind (but that is a whole other topic for a whole other blog).

It wasn't until I sat listening to that D.I.Y. workshop a year later in 2011, that I saw what was going on. Why are so many people getting sick all the time for no reason? Why are healthy individuals suddently becoming ill of horrible diseases like cancers, ADD and ADHD, autism, multiple sclerosis, fibromyalgia, chronic anxiety and others? It is what we are putting into our bodies that is making us sick. It is the many chemicals, the many additives, the many carcinogens and hormone disruptors that are mutating our cells and making illnesses appear from nowhere.

After ending the workshop and doing my first batch of home-made chemical free shampoo,conditioner and toothpaste, I went into a place of solitude and cried. I cried for my mother, who didn't know her perfume and her makeup could be the culprits of her past suffering.  I cried for myself, because I was already immersed in a chemical burden that my body was probably hating me for. I cried for the injustice presented to me minutes before and that feeling of being overwhelmed and not knowing what to do about it. But now I did know the truth, and I wasn't going to let it slip away ever again.

The big industry that is personal care and beauty products is making us "pretty" while poisoning us, without our knowledge or consent. This things we buy to fit in, to look "better", to "highlight our attributes" are messing with something that shouldn't be messed with. The beauty myth is slowly killing us. We are slowly dying in order to feel beautiful. Our nature, our own natural balance of hormones and cell production are being tampered with. We are placing toxins into our bodies constantly, daily, even a couple of times a day; yet most of us remain completely ignorant towards this.

This is the main reason why I will dedicate my time to this blog. To bringing the truth about our daily consumption to the surface. We have to start cleansing ourselves in order to have a better future and in hopes of creating a better tomorrow for our future generations. We all have the power to change our lives, we just need to take action. 

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